Blake

I remember not knowing how to give him directions to my house. I remember asking Holley to help me tell him where I lived. I remember his mom’s blue minivan that didn’t seem to match his personality. I remember realizing that he even had a mother that would be bringing him to my house. I remember his grey and black jacket with the fur-lined hood that I later learned was a gift. I remember his unnaturally dark black hair and the way it fell past his shoulders .I remember that it used to be purple, just to make people laugh.  I remember saying “let’s take a walk” before he even got a foot in the door. I remember it was the coldest November in recent memory. I remember sitting on the curb and the hum of the transformer. I remember him holding my cold hand even though I couldn’t feel my fingertips. I remember the open house for sale in my neighborhood and the way we crept inside. I remember when he kissed me for the second time. I remember our lips were chapped but we were 14 and didn’t care. I remember two weeks earlier when he held my hand Halloween night. I remember sneaking out of Anna’s house to meet him at the park. I remember him giving me that grey and black jacket with the warm fleece interior. I remember being scared all the time.  I remember being scared he would like me and I remember being scared that he wouldn’t. I remember writing him notes with little doodles of us and who we would be one day. I remember when I broke up with you because momma says only good Christian boys are worth talking to. I remember how she manipulated me and I remember how you said you loved me for the first time.

I don’t remember why I thought meeting my family would be your first and last visit to my house. I don’t remember why I thought that house was inescapable and that we had no future. 

I remember you teaching me that I am more than my family and more than my past. I remember growing up with you and finally escaping. I remember sleeping beside you in our bed last night and I remember kissing you goodbye when I left for class this morning.